Why don’t I want to have sex with the man I love?

It is thought that between 1-3% of the population is asexual, meaning they do not feel any sexual attraction to other people. For years Stacey was puzzled about why she never wanted to sleep with anyone, even her husband. As she explains here, it was her doctor that told her the truth.

For a really long time I thought I was broken mentally or physically in some way, I thought it wasn’t normal to not want to have sex with people.

Friends of mine would be talking about boyfriends they’d had or celebrities they’d like to bed, and I just didn’t think about anybody in that very specific, sexual sense.

When I was in my early twenties I really started noticing it, but I didn’t talk to anybody about it because I just thought, “They’re going to think I’m well strange,” so I just kept quiet.

Asexuality has quite a spectrum so although I might not be sexually attracted to people I do get very romantically attracted to people.

I’d met my boyfriend – who is now my husband – when I was 19, and I didn’t know what asexuality was then, so I just thought I was bonkers or really behind the curve or something.

I was thinking, “I absolutely love this man, and if he proposes to me I will 100% say yes because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so why don’t I want to sleep with him? That’s crazy.”


Find out more

Stacey spoke to BBC Radio 4′s iPM, the programme which starts with its listeners. If you want to contact the programme, please

You can listen to Stacey’s interview or hear Jordan describing the problems he faced at university on the iPM podcast


We sort of went on a bit of journey of discovery together, me and the hubby. He was very much, “I am in love with you. I will wait as long as it takes, if it ever happens.”

He was really supportive and never tried to make me do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.

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